look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
