Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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