there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
