i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
