No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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