CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
