i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
