is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
