some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
