using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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