Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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