Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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