Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
