O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize