fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
