I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
