Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Randomize
