david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
