So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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