Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Randomize
