Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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