His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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