so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
