Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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