i permit you to call me
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
