I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
