We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
i now understand why vodka
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
