im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
