How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
