next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
