i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
