he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize