i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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