I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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