I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
These tits shall not be calmed
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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