How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
