So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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