Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
