My girlfriend figured out who you are.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
