i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize