He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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