At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
