...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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