Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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