i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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