I hate all girls vehemently.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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