she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
