he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
