rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Rumble strips road head = magical
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
