You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
