I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
