from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
