Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
