Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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