can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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