Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
