I accidentally had phone sex last night
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
