Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
