We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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