I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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