I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
