apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
