"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
