Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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