just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
