Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
