I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
