I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
