Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Randomize
