so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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