Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
