My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
