census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
