Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
