dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
