Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
