I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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