Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
