hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
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