sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
