Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
