I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
