Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
