That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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