did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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