bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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