I haven't been this sober since birth.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
