pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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