You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Randomize
