Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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