my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
