And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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