So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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