you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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