What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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