So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
