Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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