How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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