you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
