he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
