How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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