? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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