I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
