Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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