youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
