My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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